When everything is normal [at least thats what i want to think for the time being ] there is a sense of fear grips my heart. I am worried that what i will do if i ‘lost her’. Infact ! I am even more worried thinking , what if i am no more , how she will live without me. And the fear grips so much that i can’t sleep , Panic Attack!!! my body starts to jerk every 3rd minute and she wakes up and asks ‘what’s wrong’? .
Should i tell her ! i pause for a moment kiss her gently and said
‘what if one of us dies and we have to live alone ? .
She is taken back ..and looks at the watch ..it’s 4am..
“Why you think that one of us will die”?
I said ‘I don’t know dear.. i am just scared.. i just can’t get over it’
She gave me a hug and said ‘Oh honey! it’s OK ! Just pray and sleep.. everything will be alright”
I prayed and went back to bed .. trying to sleep…can’t get sleep..
After few minutes she asked..”Sweety ..are you awake?”
I said ‘Yes love, i am awake, still can’t get sleep”
She asked ”Just for the records..if you die , how long i have to wait to get married again?”
“WHAT? “!…the Bed light is on and i wants to choke her…
She just held me tight and warm and said ‘ I was just kidding’…let’s sleep’
‘But i wonder “am i the only one with this fear? Does every couple , mothers , parents go through this pace of life ?” …well! for the time bieng i am not over this fear… i am just taking refuge at ‘The ONE above’….
BTW … Today is moving day..moving to a new flat …